I’m Not Afraid of Zombies

An idea that has really spread
Is people could become undead
That a virus or a fungus
Could make zombies walk among us

Movies games and TV shows
Helped this zombie craze to grow
Now everywhere you go these days
The zombie trend is all the rage

Everywhere I look
There’s a new story or a book
That uses zombies as a way
To show society’s decay

But with zombie antagonists
There’s something everyone has missed
An omission pretty glaring
See, zombies aren’t that scary

‘Cause zombies don’t run
They’re easy to flee from
They don’t use shotguns, That’s why I’m not afraid of zombies

They’re not too smart
They don’t use golf carts
I’ve seen worse at Wal-Mart, That’s why I’m not afraid of zombies anymore.

People call me cavalier
But I think that it’s pretty clear
That I could overpower
A thing that walks one mile-per-hour

Maybe they’d be scarier
If they weren’t so inferior
If they had some more ambition
Maybe became politicians

But zombies don’t make plans
They’re about as dumb as plants
And their skills aren’t well-regarded
They’re just slowly moving targets

I don’t mean to gloat
You could defeat/confound them with a moat
If there’s a zombie on my lawn
I think the most I’d do is yawn

They may be gory
But they’re truly boring
I’ll just out in bumpy flooring, that’s why I’m not afraid of zombies

You can burn ‘em
And they just murmur
They’re slow learners, That’s why I’m not afraid of zombies

They look hungover
Even when sober
They’re easy to run over, That’s why I’m not afraid of zombies

I’m not lying
I won’t be dying
They’re barely trying, That’s why I’m not afraid of zombies anymore

People would say that they fear zombies, if you took a poll
But I think what they really fear is a world out of control
Zombies aren’t too scary, I mean, hell, they barely move
But the fact we can’t survive alone is what they really prove
A symbol of our dependence, and that’s a source of tension
Needing other people is something we don’t like to mention
So fear a war or plague, or societal breakdowns
But don’t fear any zombies, just mow the bastards down

They may look intense
But they’re quite dense
They don’t play defense, that’s why I’m not afraid of zombies

Their brains are tiny
If they get behind me
I’ll throw out something shiny, that’s why I’m not afraid of zombies

They can’t do addition
Or make decisions
They have bad vision, that’s why I’m not afraid of zombies

I’m not playing
I’ll be zombie slaying
They’re already decaying, that’s why I’m not afraid of zombies
Anymore.

©2012 Paravonian